The Warner Bride
by Capital-C
Summary: A Warnerized parody of The Princess Bride.
1. Chapter 1

The Warner Bride

Chapter One

Wakko coughed a bit as he sat in bed playing a video game. He had been feeling a bit sick for the past day or so.

"Hey Wakko." Yakko said as he entered the room to come check on him. "Feeling any better?" He asked.

"A little." Wakko replied.

"Y'know what'll make you feel even better, a visit from good old Scratchy here!" Yakko said as he stood aside from the doorway, allowing Scratchansniff to enter.

"Greetings young Warner brother!" Scratchansniff said in a chipper tone as he entered. "Have I got just the thing for you today!" He said.

"What is it?" Wakko asked curiously.

"It's the book that my father read me when I got sick! A story filled with fencing, fighting, torture, revenge... giants, monsters, chases... escapes, true love, miracles!" Scratchansniff exclaimed enthusiastically.

"Really?! All that?!" Wakko asked excitedly.

"Of course!" Scratchansniff replied.

"Well, I can see you two aren't gonna have any trouble getting along today." Yakko said. "Me and Dot are gonna be out finding someone else to bug while you're busy here by the way." He added.

"Ok. Later Yakko!" Wakko said.

"Later Wakko. Later Scratchy." Yakko said with a wave as he made his exit.

"Alright then, let's get started!" Scratchansniff said. "Our story is The Princess Bride, by S Morgenstern. But just for fun, we change all the names and call it, The Warner Bride." He said. Wakko grinned with approval and the reading began.

"Dot Warner was raised on a small farm in the country of Florin. Her favorite pastimes were riding her horse, and tormenting the farm boy that worked there. His name was Buster, but she never called him that." Scratchansniff read as the image of a lush countryside came into view. "Isn't that a wonderful beginning?" He asked.

"Uh-huh." Wakko replied, nodding his head in agreement as the farm itself came into view. Dot rode up to the farm on horseback as Scratchinsinff continued his narrative.

"Nothing gave Dot as much pleasure as ordering Buster around." Scratchinsinff read.

"Hey farm boy, wax this saddle!" Dot said rather rudely as she roughly tossed him the saddle, knocking him over in the process. "I wanna see my face in it by morning!" She demanded.

"_As you wish._" Buster said in a deflated tone from the stable floor.

"Strange, I don't recall the story reading like this." Scratchansniff said, eyeing the book curiously. "Perhaps it's simply an odd reprint." He said, shrugging it off and continuing the reading.

"As you wish."... was all Buster ever said to her. Day after day, no matter how tedious the task. Or how unpleasant she tried to seem.

"Farm boy, fill these with water." Dot said as she sat two large buckets in front of Buster, interrupting him as he chopped wood. He responded with the same look as always, that look that seemed to speak of something more. His unspoken words seemed to reach her that day, compelling her to speak more politely.

"Please." She added more courteously.

"As you wish." Buster said with a nod of his head.

Feeling a bit flustered by the encounter, Dot quickly started towards the house, briefly stopping to glance back at Buster. Their eyes met and locked in a gaze that seemed to last an eternity. Her eyes were searching. His were calm and patient, as if waiting to be read by hers.

That day, Dot was amazed to discover that when Buster was saying, "As you wish"... what he meant was, "I love you." And even more amazing was the day she realized she truly loved him back.

"Farm boy." Dot said, catching Buster at the door. "Fetch me that pitcher." She said, quickly thinking of an excuse to make him stay for just a moment longer. He returned and retrieved the pitcher, which hung from a hook only inches from her head.

"As you wish." He said as he handed her the pitcher. She smiled, knowing exactly what he meant.

Late that evening, out among the grass and the trees, they embraced in the sunset, drawing closer till they...

"Now wait a minute! Hold the phone!" Babs shouted, interrupting the flow of the story as she abruptly pulled them apart. "Buster is my boyfriend! How come I'm not the princess in this story?!" She demanded, looking through the screen at the author.

"Babsie, this is an Animaniacs fanfic. She has to be the princess." Buster attempted to explain.

"But you're supposed to be with me!" Babs protested.

"I am!" Buster insisted. "We're just acting." He said.

"Oh really? So you're just _"acting"_ like a two timing jerk!" Babs spat sarcastically.

"Could we please not have this conversation right now Babs?" Buster sighed, holding a hand to his head.

"Fine, that way there's no witnesses when I pop that lecherous little zit you call a head!" Babs said, jabbing a finger into his chest before turning and storming off.

"Luv' ya Babsie!" Buster called after her, waving. She turned and chucked a clump of dirt at his head. He ducked and stayed low till she turned and walked off in a huff. He breathed a sigh of relief once she was out of sight, then noticed Dot staring at his cowering posture. He quickly stood to his full hight and brushed himself off a bit.

"So, where were we then?" He asked.

"Making out." Dot replied casually.

"Right..." Buster said. "...let's get back to that." He added. Dot shrugged passively.

"Ok." She said. Then they kissed, their silhouettes highlighted by the setting sun.

(A.N) It seems that Buster is quite the cad in this particular story. Not _**that**_ kind of cad of course, he and Dot are roughly the same age in this story. But one way or another, he's getting the beating of his life when Babs finds out about this one.

On a separate note, all characters featured in this story will be dressed as their movie counterparts. Also, the role of prince Humperdinck will be played by Montana Max, from Tiny Toon Adventures. The king and queen will be played by Rita and Runt. Try not to think about it too much.

Disclaimer- I don't own Animaniacs, or The Princess Bride. I don't pretend to. And I'm not making any money off this story.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Dot and Buster were determined to be together. Unfortunately, Buster had no money for marriage. So he packed his few belongings, and left the farm to seek his fortune across the sea. It was a very emotional time for Dot.

"I fear I shall never see you again." Dot said as Buster held her in his arms.

"Of course you will." Buster assured.

"But what if something happens to you?" She asked. He looked into her eyes and spoke.

"Hear this now." He said. "I will always come for you.

"But how can you be sure?" She asked, barely holding back tears.

"This is true love." Buster said. "Do you think this happens everyday?" He asked. Her eyes searched his. He smiled with true confidence in his words, easing her fears ever so slightly. They kissed and soon parted ways.

Unfortunately, as Dot had feared, Buster didn't reach his destination. His ship was attacked by the Red Pirate Rogers, who never left captives alive. When Dot got the news that Buster was murdered, she went into her room and shut the door. For days, she neither slept nor ate.

"I will never love again." She uttered, her words steeped in sorrow.

Five years later, the main square of Florin City was filled as never before to hear the announcement of the great Prince Max's bride to be. A regal melody rang out as he stepped forth to address his subjects.

"Citizens and riffraff!" Max began. "A month from now, our country is having a great big shindig to celebrate it's 500th anniversary! At sundown that night, I'm marryin' some commoner chick from a farm. Course, she won't be so common once she's with me. Her name's Dot and she's standin' right over there behind ya if ya wanna see her before the big event." Max said. The crowd turned to face Dot, causing her to draw back slightly. She wasn't used to this kind of attention just yet. After taking a moment to collect herself, she proceeded down the red carpet that had been laid out for her. Many of the citizens began to kneel respectfully.

"Wow, she's cute!" A young squirrel boy in the crowd suddenly exclaimed. The rest of the crowd murmured in agreement, for it was certainly an accurate statement. She had clearly won the hearts of the people that day. And yet, despite all the attention and adoration, Dot's emptiness consumed her.

Although the law of the land gave Max the right to choose his bride, she did not love him.

Despite Max's insistence that she would grow to love him, _(or find herself learning to grow a new head,)_ the only joy Dot found was in her daily ride. It was during one her many rides that she encountered three conspicuous looking strangers in the woods. One appeared to be a small white mouse with an oversized head. The second was a warner like herself. The third was a notably overweight human in need of a shave.

"A word, my lady?" The large headed mouse began. "We are but poor, lost circus performers. Is there a village nearby?" He asked.

"Nope, not for miles." Dot replied.

"Then there will be no one to hear you screem." The mouse said as the human approached Dot. She fainted from the overpowering stench of his body oder and was carried off by the trio.

The three kidnappers were soon loading Dot aboard their ship. As they prepared to set off, the mouse was ripping a small piece of fabric from a red garment and carefully attaching it to the saddle of Dot's horse.

"What's that you're ripping?" The warner asked.

"It's fabric from the uniform of an army officer of Guilder." The mouse replied.

"Dah? Who's Guilder?" The human asked.

"The country across the sea, the sworn enemy of florin." The mouse explained. He shooed off Dot's horse and continued speaking.

"Once the horse reaches the castle, the fabric will make the prince suspect that the Guilderians have abducted his love. When he finds her body dead on the Guilder frontier, his suspicions will be totally confirmed." The mouse said.

"Hey, you never said anything about killing anyone." The human protested.

"I hired you to help me start a war. It's a prestigious line of work, with a long and glorious tradition." The mouse said.

"I just don't think it's right, killing an innocent girl like that." The human said.

"Am I going mad, or did the word "_think_" just escape your lips?" The mouse asked. "You were not hired for your brains you hippopotamic land mass!" He shouted.

"Sorry Brainy, but I'm with Ralph on this one." The warner said as he boarded the boat.

"Oh, the sot has spoken!" The mouse exclaimed.

"What happens to her is not truly your concern!" The mouse said as he approached the warner. "_I_ will kill her!" He said. "And remember this, never forget this! When I found you, you were so slobbering drunk, you couldn't buy brandy!" He yelled at the warner.

"And you!" The mouse said, turning his attention to Ralph. "Friendless, brainless, helpless, hopeless! Do you want me to send you back to where you were, unemployed in Greenland!" He shouted. Ralph said nothing in response. Having made his point, the mouse stalked off to some other part of the ship. The warner approached Ralph with something of a sympathetic look.

"That Brain, he sure can..._**fuss**_." The warner said, stressing the last word to get a word game started.

"Fuss, fuss... I think he like to scream... _at us!_" Ralph said, quickly returning to a more lively mood.

"Probably he means no..._**harm**_." The warner said.

"He's really very short on..._**charm**_." Ralph returned.

"You have a great gift for rhyme my friend." The warner said, patting him on the back.

"Yes, Yes, some of the time." Ralph said, continuing the game.

"Enough of that!" Brain ordered.

"Hey Ralph, are there rocks ahead?" The warner asked.

"If there are, we'll all be dead." Ralph replied.

"No more rhymes now, I mean it!" Brain said.

"Anybody want a peanut?" Ralph asked. The Brain growled in frustration.

(A.N) Don't you just love word games? I do.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

"How much further?" The warner asked as the ship sailed through the night.

"We'll reach the cliffs by dawn." Brain replied. "Why are you doing that?" He asked, noticing the way the warner kept looking over his shoulder.

"Making sure no one is following us." The warner replied.

"That, would be incoceivable." Brain said.

"You're gonna get caught ya know. Then all your necks are on the chopping block." Dot said from the corner she sat in.

"Of all the necks on this boat, your highness... the one you should be worrying about is your own." Brain said. He then noticed the warner checking over his shoulder again.

"Stop doing that!" Brain exclaimed. "We can all relax now. It's almost over." He said as he settled in a bit.

"Are you sure no one's following us?" The warner asked.

"As I already told you, it would be absolutely, totally, and in all other ways inconceivable!" Brain replied. "No one in Guilder knows what we've done. And no one in Florin could have gotten here so fast." He explained, once again returning to a more relaxed position. Then a thought suddenly crossed his mind.

"Out of curiosity, why do you ask?" He inquired.

"Well, I just happened to look behind us, and there's something back there." The warner said passively.

"What?" Brain said as he got up to look for himself. Sure enough, there was a ship out there in the distance.

"Probably a local fisherman out for a pleasure cruise at night." Brain attempted to rationalize. "Through eel-infested waters." He added, doubting his previous statement. Then the sound of a loud splash suddenly interrupted his train of thought. Both he and the warner turned to look. His prisoner had just jumped overboard.

"Unbelievable." Brain muttered to himself, thoroughly exasperated at the situation.

"Well, what are you waiting for? After her!" Brain ordered, turning to the warner.

"But I don't swim." The warner said.

"Dah, I only dog-paddle." Ralph said. Brain growled in frustration.

"Veer left!" Brain ordered as he moved to the side of the ship, joined by Ralph. "Left! Left!" He ordered as Dot continued her escape. Then suddenly, a chilling beastly shriek rang out from the waters, halting Dot's progress as her eyes darted about in search of it's source.

"Do you know what that sound is your highness?" Brain asked. "Those are the shrieking eels." He explained.

"Of course, if you do not believe me, just wait. They always grow louder when they're about to feed." Brain said. One of the eels brushed against Dot as he spoke, startling her.

"If you swim back now, I promise no harm will come to you. I doubt you'll get such an offer from the eels." Brain said. The same eel that had brushed against Dot turned back towards her and dove under water. A second eel suddenly appeared from the other side, opening it's jaws to strike. Just as it seemed as if Dot was done for, Ralph's fist came crashing down on the eel's head. Then he quickly reached into the water, pulling Dot out by the back of her collar and placing her back on the ship as she coughed and sputtered.

"Tie her hands." Brain instructed calmly. Ralph fetched some rope and did as he was told. Meanwhile, the warner was distracted with something else.

"I think he's getting closer." The warner said after once again glancing at the ship behind them.

"He is no concern of ours." Brain said. "Sail on!" He ordered, quickly turning his attention back to Dot.

"I suppose you think you're brave miss Warner." Brain said.

"Braver than you." Dot said through shivers from the chilling cold water she was covered in. The remainder of the night passed without further incident.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

"He's right on top of us!" The warner said in disbelief. The mysterious ship that had tailed them throughout the night had somehow gained on them dramatically. "I wonder if he's using the same wind we are." He pondered aloud.

"Whoever he is, he's too late. We've already reached the cliffs of insanity!" Brain announced. "Now quickly, take us in!" He ordered. Ralph and the warner went to work on steering them in. They soon reached the cliffs and began disembarking from the ship.

"We should be safe from this point." Brain said. "Only Ralph is strong enough to go up our way. Meaning our mysterious friend will have to sail around for hours to find a harbor." He said. However, despite his words, the ship continued to follow them directly, rather than veering off in search of a harbor.

As the ship continued it's approach, the trio of kidnappers prepared for their assent up the cliffside by attaching a sort of carrying harness to Ralph. The warner quickly secured Dot to one side of the harness, then placed himself on the other side. The Brain simply rode along in Ralph's shirt pocket.

As the trio and their captive made their way up the rope that stretched to the top of the cliff, their pursuer, a masked rabbit dressed in black, reached the cliffs and began climbing the rope behind them.

"Hey, he's climbing the rope! And he's gaining on us!" The warner said, spotting the masked rabbit.

"Impossible! Inconceivable!" Brain exclaimed in disbelief. "Faster!" He urged. But Ralph was already going as fast as he could. Despite that, they managed to reach the top before the masked rabbit could catch up, thanks to the substantial lead they already had on him.

"Cut the rope." Brain instructed once they were all on solid ground. The Warner easily sliced through the rope with his sword, allowing gravity and the weight of it's passenger to pull it down the side of the cliff. Then both he and Ralph walked to the edge of the cliff to make sure the masked rabbit was truly gone. To their surprise, he was still there, clinging to the cliffside with only his hands and feet.

"Wow..." Ralph said, impressed.

"Yeah, no joke." The warner added.

"You mean to say he didn't fall?" Brain asked as he approached. "Inconceivable!" He exclaimed, seeing it for himself.

"You keep saying that word." The warner said. "I don't think it means what you think it means." He added. Then they both turned their attention back to the masked rabbit.

"Wow, he's actually climbing." The warner commented.

"Whoever he is, he's obviously seen us with the princess, and must therefore die." Brain said. He turned his attention to Ralph. "You, carry her." He ordered, referring to Dot. He turned his attention back to the warner.

"We'll head straight for the Guilder frontier. Catch up when he's dead." He said. "If he falls, fine. If not, the sword." He said before turning to leave with Ralph.

"I think I'll duel him left handed if he makes it." The warner said as he continued watching the masked rabbit climb.

"You know what a hurry we're in." Brain said, stopping mid stride to turn and face him again.

"If I use my right, it's over too quickly." The warner said, turning to face him as well.

"Have it your way." Brain said, once again turning to leave. Then he paused, noticing that Ralph wasn't following.

"You be careful Yakko, people in mask can't be trusted." Ralph cautioned.

"Come Ralph, we have much to do!" Brain called from up ahead. Ralph followed, allowing Brain to climb back into his pocket along the way. Meanwhile, Yakko prepared for his fight by loosening up and practicing some fencing stances. He quickly grew tired of this and returned his attention to the masked rabbit.

"Hello there!" He called down the cliffside. The masked rabbit looked up at him. He waved, then continued speaking. "Slow going?" He asked rhetorically.

"Not to be rude, but this really isn't as easy as it looks. I'd appreciate it if you didn't distract me." The masked rabbit said.

"Sorry." Yakko said, stepping back from the edge of the cliff. He briefly practiced a few more moves. But his patience proved to be thin of course, leading him right back to the edge of the cliff.

"I don't suppose you could speed things up down there?" Yakko asked. The masked rabbit sighed.

"If you're in such a hurry, you could toss me a rope or tree branch or something." The masked rabbit replied.

"I could do that." Yakko said. "I have some rope up here." He added, briefly glancing back at the remaining rope tied to the rock. "But I'm not so sure you would accept my help. Since I'm only waiting around to kill you." He said.

"That would tend to put a damper on our relationship." The masked rabbit said.

"Ah, but what if I promised not to kill you before you reach the top?" Yakko asked.

"If it's all the same, I think I'll take my chances with the rocks." The masked rabbit replied.

"What if I gave you my word as spaniard?" Yakko asked.

"But you're not a spaniard." The masked rabbit replied.

"Details details." Yakko shrugged. "Come one, there's gotta be a way I can make you trust me." He said.

"Nothing comes to mind." The masked rabbit said.

"I swear on the grave of my father, Domingo Montoya. You will reach the top alive." Yakko said, taking a serious tone. The masked rabbit paused.

"Throw me the rope." He said. Yakko quickly unwound some of the rope still wrapped around the stone at the top of the cliff and threw it down to the masked rabbit. The masked rabbit climbed the remaining length of the cliff with Yakko's assistance.

"Thanks." The masked rabbit said upon reaching the top. Then, though still weary from the harrowing climb, he started to draw his sword.

"Wait." Yakko said. "We'll wait till you're ready."

"Thanks again." The masked rabbit said. He then hobbled off to the side and sat on some rocks, removing his boot and dumping out a number of stones and pebbles.

"I don't mean to pry, but you wouldn't happen to have six fingers on your right hand, would you?" Yakko asked, earning him a strange look from the masked rabbit.

"Is this how you start all your conversations?" The masked rabbit asked.

"My father was killed by a six fingered man." Yakko explained. The masked rabbit held up his right hand, displaying only four fingers. Yakko didn't seem too surprised, and went on to tell his story.

"He was a great swordmaker, my father." Yakko started. "When the six fingered man appeared and requested a special sword, my father took the job."

"He slaved a year before he was done." Yakko said, drawing his sword from the ground where it rested beside him and taking a moment to simply examine it's beauty. He held it out to the masked rabbit, allowing him to take it from his hands and study it as well.

"I've never seen it's equal." The masked rabbit said, handing the sword back to Yakko. Yakko accepted the sword and continued his story.

"The six fingered man returned and demanded the sword, but at one tenth the price he'd promised." Yakko said. "My father refused... Then, without a word, the six fingered man slashed him through the heart." He said as re-sheathed his sword.

"I loved my father. So naturally, I challenged his murderer to a duel." Yakko said. "I failed... But he left me alive. And gave me this." He said, pointing out the two long scars on both sides of his face.

"How old were you?" The masked rabbit asked.

"Eleven." Yakko replied. "But once I was strong enough, I dedicated my life to the study of fencing. So the next time we meet, I will not fail."

"I'll walk up to the six fingered man and say, "Hello. My name is Yakko Montoya... You killed my father... Prepare to die." Yakko said.

"You've done nothing but study swordplay?" The masked rabbit asked.

"More pursuit than study lately." Yakko replied, taking a seat beside the masked rabbit. "See, I can't find him. And it's been twenty years now. So I'm starting to lose confidence. I just work for Brain to pay the bills. There's not a lot of money in revenge."

"Well, I certainly hope you find him someday." The masked rabbit said as he stood up, readying his sword.

"So, you're ready then?" Yakko asked, standing as well.

"Whether I am or not, you've been more than fair." The masked rabbit replied as they both took their positions.

"You seem a decent fellow." Yakko said as they drew their swords. "I hate to kill you."

"You seem a decent fellow." The masked rabbit replied. "I hate to die."

"Begin." Yakko said with a smirk.

They both took ready stances, Yakko's posture more eager than the the masked rabbit's calmer stance. They began to clash swords, the masked rabbit dodging a quick strike from Yakko by leaning to the side. They changed positions and began again, Yakko dodging a similar strike in the same manner. They both grinned, then began fencing back and forth. Yakko attempted a strike that the masked rabbit ducked, then the swordplay continued.

"So, I see you're using Bonetti's defense against me." Yakko said as he drove the masked rabbit up a small hill of rocks.

"I thought it fitting, considering the rocky terrain." The masked rabbit replied.

"Naturally, you must expect me to attack with Capo Ferro." Yakko said as he changed tactics, favoring higher strikes.

"Naturally, but I find that Thibault cancels out Capo Ferro." The masked rabbit said. "Don't you?" He asked, just before dodging another strike from Yakko by jumping backwards off the hill.

"Unless the enemy has studied his Agrippa." Yakko said before flipping over the masked rabbit's head. "Which I have." He added after landing. The masked rabbit went on the offensive, driving Yakko down a slope in the rocky terrain.

"Impressive!" Yakko said with a smile.

"Thank you." The masked rabbit replied as he continued driving Yakko back.

"You're even better than I am!" Yakko continued.

"Then why are you smiling?" The masked rabbit asked.

"Cause I know something you don't." Yakko said.

"And what's that?" The masked rabbit asked.

"_I,_ am not left handed." Yakko replied, quickly switching his sword from one hand to the other and turning the tide in his favor. The masked rabbit was forced to back away, retreating up the steps of what was likely once a tower of some sort. Yakko pursued, attempting to jab the masked rabbit with his sword. The masked rabbit only just barely managed to deflect his strikes, then countered with a strike of his own. Yakko ducked to avoid it, then continued driving the masked rabbit up the steps without missing a beat.

"Amazing." The masked rabbit said, impressed with his skill.

"I should be, after twenty years." Yakko said, driving the masked rabbit into a short wall overlooking a deadly drop and attempting to push him over by leaning against him.

"There's something I should tell you." The masked rabbit said as stones from the wall began to fall.

"All ears pal." Yakko replied, only slightly easing off his attempts to force the masked rabbit over the edge.

"I'm not left handed either." The masked rabbit said. This Yakko had to see. He released the masked rabbit, allowing him to switch hands, then the fight continued.

The masked rabbit quickly relieved Yakko of his sword, sending it flying. Unnerved, Yakko retreated a few steps back, then jumped from the stone stairway to a bar suspended between a broken arch. Quickly dismounting the bar, he rushed to retrieve his sword. The masked rabbit threw down his sword, planting it in the ground in front of the arch, then jumped to the bar as well, completing a full rotation on it before launching himself into the air and landing like a trained gymnast, right next to his sword.

"Who are you?" Yakko asked curiously.

"No one important." The masked rabbit replied.

"Well, Mr. No One Important, it's ever so nice to meet you." Yakko said.

"Touché." The masked rabbit replied.

"Hey, there might be kids reading this." Yakko chided. The masked rabbit sighed.

"Can we get on with this?" The masked rabbit asked.

"Yeah, I'm done." Yakko replied. Then the fight was back on.

They danced across the ruins, clashing swords. Ducking, dodging, and jumping to avoid strikes. At every turn, they mactched each other move for move.

"Seems we're equally matched at this point." The masked rabbit said as they held their swords locked together.

"Now that I'm serious, yeah." Yakko said.

"You weren't serious before?" The masked rabbit asked.

"Only ninety percent. Now it's a hundred!" Yakko replied, delivering a major head-butt to the masked rabbit, then shoving him into a wall. The masked rabbit impacted the wall with such force that some of the loose stone bricks from the top were destabilized. Quickly realizing that the masked rabbit wasn't recovering fast enough to avoid being crushed by the bricks on his own, Yakko rushed in without thinking and pushed him out of the way, only to be pinned by the falling bricks himself.

"Yakko!" The masked rabbit called out upon regaining his senses and seeing what Yakko had done. He rushed to Yakko's side, quickly freeing him from the pile of bricks and checking his pulse. Yakko was alive but unconscious, and didn't seem to have any broken bones. He propped Yakko up against a wall and bandaged his nastier scrapes, then set off for the Guilder frontier. As much as he hated to leave him like that, he needed to catch up with Dot and the other two kidnappers before it was too late. Hopefully Yakko would understand.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

"Inconceivable." Brain exclaimed as he watched the masked rabbit dashing across the Guilder frontier in their direction. He quickly hopped from Ralph's shoulder and onto Dot's, placing a metallic collar around her neck.

"Dah, what's that?" Ralph asked.

"It's an explosive device that will be activated by the remote detonator in my hands if the princess does not do as I say." Brain explained. "Now put her down." He instructed. Ralph did as he was told.

"The princess and myself will be running ahead. Catch up with us quickly after you've finished him." Brain said from his perch on Dot's shoulder.

"How do I that?" Ralph asked.

"Pick up one of those rocks and get behind that bolder." Brain started. "In a few minutes, the rabbit in black will come running around the bend. The moment his _head_ is in view, hit it with the rock." He instructed, quickly turning his attention to Dot.

"Now move, before I grow impatient, _your highness_." Brain said. Dot did as he said and started in the direction he pointed. Meanwhile, Ralph picked up a rock and got into position as Brain had instructed.

Minutes later, the masked rabbit arrived. He paused as he approached the area, sensing that he wasn't alone. He cautiously scanned the area, then took a step in. A large rock suddenly came sailing past his head, shattering against a much larger rock. The masked rabbit quickly drew his sword as Ralph came out of hiding and grabbed up another stone.

"I did that on purpose ya know." Ralph said. "I don't have to miss."

"I'll take your word for it." The masked rabbit said. "So what happens now?" He asked.

"We face each other sportsmen like." Ralph replied. "No tricks, and no weapons." He said.

"So you put down your rock, I put down my sword, and we both try to kill each other like civilized people?" The masked rabbit asked, clearly hesitant to accept the terms.

"I could just kill you now." Ralph offered, raising the stone in his hand.

"Uh... suddenly your previous offer seems considerably more resonable." The masked rabbit said. "Though frankly, I think the odds are slightly in your favor at hand to hand combat." He added as he slowly placed his sword on the ground.

"It's not my fault being the biggest and the strongest." Ralph said. "I don't even exercise." He added, tossing away the stone in his hand.

"Clearly..." The masked rabbit muttered under his breath.

"Huh?" Ralph said.

"Nothing!" The masked rabbit quickly replied. He cleared his throat and continued. "So, we ready then?" He asked.

"Ready." Ralph said, moving into a wrestling stance. The masked rabbit took a similar stance.

"The things ya do for love..." The masked rabbit muttered to himself, carefully sizing up his opponent. Perhaps if he took him off guard by charging in unexpectedly, he could topple his considerably larger opponent he thought. Then he charged, crashing into Ralph at full force. He bounced off like a rubber ball hitting a concrete slab and landed several yards away. Quickly shaking it off, he charged again. And again... And again... And again... And again... And...well...you get the idea. Each attempt met with the same results. Till finally, he grew tired and stopped.

"Could we get an anvil down here?" The masked rabbit asked, looking skyward. A large shadow suddenly appeared over Ralph's head. He looked up in time to see what was coming, but wasn't fast enough to escape as the anvil came crashing down on his head.

"Thanks." The masked rabbit said. He then rolled the anvil off of Ralph's head with considerable effort.

The anvil had driven Ralph into ground like a stake, leaving only his head above ground. The masked rabbit briefly checked for a pulse, then moved on once he was certain that Ralph would indeed live.

(A.N) The role of Count Tyrone Rugen/ the six fingered man, will be played by King Salazar.

On a separate note, I'd like to send out a special thanks to one acosta perez jose ramiro, my most consistent reviewer of all.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

"There was a major fight here. All over the place!" Max said as he studied the scene of Yakko's fight with the masked rabbit.

"Who won? How did it end?" One of the lead riders in Max's troop asked.

"The loser, ran off alone... And the winner... followed those footprints towards Guilder." Max said.

"Shall we track them both?" The same man asked.

"No one cares about the loser. It's the princess we're after!" Max said.

"Clearly, this was all planed by warriors of Guilder!" Max continued, turning his attention to the rest of his men. "We need to be ready for anything!" He said.

"Could this be a trap?" The same man asked.

"I always think everything could be a trap." Max said as he mounted his horse. "That's why I'm still alive." He added. Then they were off.

Meanwhile, the masked rabbit continued his trek along the guilder frontier, coming to a stop upon sighting Dot. Her hands were tied and a blindfold covered her eyes. She sat behind a large rock with a table cloth draped over it, using a smaller rock as a makeshift chair. On top of the table cloth sat a small assortment of items. Bread, cheese, apples, a carton of milk, and two small glasses. A large headed rodent holding a remote detonator stood atop the table cloth as well.

"So, it is down to you, and it is down to me." Brain said in greeting. The masked rabbit took a few steps forward.

"If you wish her dead, by all means, keep moving forward. The device around her neck is designed to explode if I press this button." Brain said, brining the masked rabbit to a stop momentarily.

"Let me explain." The masked rabbit said, drawing closer while attempting to appear nonaggressive.

"There is nothing _**to**_ explain. You are attempting to kidnap what I have rightfully stolen." Brain said.

"Look, maybe we can come to some sorta agreement..." The masked rabbit said as he continued drawing closer.

"There will be no arrangement." Brain said. "And you're killing her." He added as his hand danced dangerously close to the button. The masked rabbit stopped.

"Then it looks like we're both stuck between a rock and a hard place." The masked rabbit said.

"I am afraid so." Brain replied, betraying no emotion. "I can't compete with you physically. And you, are no match for my intellect." He said.

"You're that smart?" The masked rabbit asked.

"There is a reason I am known as, _**The Brain**_." Brain said.

"Really?" The masked rabbit mused. "In that case, I challenge you to a battle of wits." He said.

"For the princess?" Brain asked. The masked rabbit gave a nod in reply.

"To the death?" Brain asked, receiving the same response in reply.

"I accept." Brain said, laying aside the remote detonator.

"Good, then pour the milk." The masked rabbit said, approaching and taking a seat across from Dot and Brain. As Brain finished pouring the milk using a small pump that I really don't feel like describing any further, the masked rabbit took a small metal cylinder from his pocket. He removed the stopper, being careful not to touch the end that had been inside the cylinder.

"Smell this, but don't touch." The masked rabbit said as he handed the cylinder to Brain. Brain did as instructed.

"I smell nothing." Brain said, offering the cylinder back to the masked rabbit.

"That's cause it's empty." The masked rabbit said, just before unceremoniously flicking Brain off the rock instead of taking back the cylinder. He turned to face the camera as Brain sailed through the air.

"What can I say, size matters." The masked rabbit said with a shrug. The sound of Brain's landing was heard a moment later, causing the masked rabbit to wince a bit. He looked to see the results.

"Yikes... not too pretty... but, he'll live..." The masked rabbit said. Then he turned his attention to freeing Dot. She reached up and undid the blindfold the second her hands were free.

"Buster!" Dot cried at the sight of him, quickly wrapping him in a tight embrace. "You saved me! You really did come for me!" She gushed.

"Dot, you're jumping ahead! The princess isn't supposed to know who I am yet!" Buster hissed through his teeth. Dot drew back slightly, but didn't let go.

"But those ears, that voice, how could I not know it's you behind that mask?" Dot asked as if the love of her life had just claimed to be a stranger. "Can't we just play it like this and skip to the romantic reunion?" She asked, stepping out of character as she drew even closer than before. "Wouldn't you rather spend a little extra time on my good side instead of tumbling down a hill?" She added.

"That did sound awfully painful..." Buster mused. "But it's one of the more important scenes in the film." He added.

"_I'll let you call me Dottie_." Dot added with a flirtatious singsong voice as she played with the front of his shirt.

"I...well...I guess we...I..." Buster stammered, clearing his throat at the end to regain his composure. "I mean... To the fire swamp it is!" He exclaimed, raising his arm dramatically. "Riiiiiight after we finish that romantic reunion thing you mentioned." He added slyly, his arm returning to Dot's side.

(A.N) What can I say, I've had this secret Dot and Buster thing running around the back of my head for some time now. I'm almost surprised that no one has attempted this pairing in a fanfic before. At least that I know of anyway.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

Dot and Buster raced along the ravine floor.

"Ha! Your pig fiance is too late." Buster said, directing Dot's attention to the group of riders in the distance. "A few more steps, and we'll be safe inside the Fire Swamp." He said.

"Safe inside the Fire Swamp..." Dot mused. "Momma always said I'd marry a nut." She added as they continued charging forward.

Entering the Fire Swamp, they found themselves in a darkened cave like world. Filled with vines, grotesquely twisted trees, and sounds right out of a horror movie.

"Not so bad." Buster said. "We should build a sumer home out here."

"I could see that." Dot said, looking around a bit. "The trees here are actually quite lovely." She commented. Buster stared.

"What?" Dot asked.

"I was joking about the summer house." Buster said with a deadpan expression.

"So we're not getting married?" Dot asked disappointedly.

"Married?!! That's not what we were talking about!" Buster exclaimed.

"Well you said we should build a place out here together, and I'm certainly not moving in with you without a ring on this finger. What would papa say?" Dot asked.

"Papa?" Buster asked.

"The one you had the fight with this morning." Dot elaborated, as if it was just the most obvious thing in the world.

"Yakko? I thought he was only your dad in that other fanfic." Buster said. Dot paused.

"Oh, right... never mind..." Dot said with a dismissive gesture. Buster sighed.

"Can we go now?" Buster asked.

"Yeah, I'm good." Dot replied. Buster extended a hand and she took it. Then they were on their way.

As the pair continued further into the fire swamp, a strange popping sound appeared, causing them to pause and look around. When nothing seemed to happen, they continued, only to be halted by flames erupting from the ground and catching the foot of Dot's dress on fire. Buster quickly lowered her to the ground and proceeded to smother the fire within the folds of her skirt. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . He helped her back to her feet once the fire was out.

"Well, that was an adventure." Buster said. "Were you hurt?" He asked. Dot shook her head no in response.

"And you?" She asked. Buster responded in the same manner. They continued only a few steps further before the popping sound returned. Realizing the connection between the sound and the flames, Buster quickly moved Dot to his other side, just in time to prevent her from being scorched by another flame.

"I will say one thing, the fire swamp certainly keeps you on your toes." Buster said with an almost eager tone. He led the way as they continued deeper and deeper into the swamp, eventually taking up a much more casual pace.

------------------

"This will all soon be but a happy memory." Buster said as he slashed away at vines in their path with his sword. "For Rogers' ship **'Revenge'** is anchored at the far end. And I, as you know, am Rogers." He said.

"About that..." Dot started. "Rogers has been in business for over twenty years, and you only left me five years ago, so how can that be?" She asked.

"I myself am often surprised by life's little quirks." Buster said, just before casually moving Dot away from an incoming flame spurt and continuing as if he had done nothing more than knock a piece of lint off her shoulder.

"What I told you before about saying please was true." Buster continued. "It intrigued Rogers, as did my description of your beauty." He said.

"Finally, Rogers decided something. He said,

_**"All right Buster, I've never had a valet. You can try for tonight. I'll most likely kill you in the morning."**_

Three years he said that...

_**"Good night Buster, good work. Sleep well. I'll most likely kill you in the morning."**_

"It was a great time for me. I was learning to fence, fight, anything anyone would teach me. And Rogers and I eventually became friends. And then it happened..." Buster said, trailing off a bit.

"What?" Dot asked.

"Well, Rogers had grown so rich, he wanted to retire. So he took me to his cabin, and told me his secret." Buster said, pausing to take Dot into his arms bridal style.

_**"I am not the Red Pirate Rogers."**_ he said.

_**"My name is Ryan.**_" Buster quoted as he started along some fairly treacherous terrain, continuing his story along the way.

_**"I inherited the ship from the previous Rogers, just as you will inherit it from me. The man I inherited it from wasn't the real Rogers either. His name was Cumberbund. The real Rogers has been retired fifteen years, and living like a king in Patagonia."**_

"Then he explained that the name was the important thing for inspiring the necessary fear. See, no one would surrender to the Red Pirate Buster." Buster said, just before setting Dot back on her feet.

"So we sailed ashore, took on an entirely new crew. And he stayed aboard for a while as first mate, all the time calling me Rogers. And once the crew believed, he left the ship, and I have been Rogers ever since. Except, now that we're together, I shall retire and hand the ship over to someone else. Is everything clear to you?" Buster asked.

"Nope." Dot replied, shaking her head. She snapped her fingers, causing everything in sight to become translucent. "Now everything's clear." She said.

"Dot... please don't make me the special friend. I realy don't think I could take it." Buster pleaded.

"Aww... don't worry. You're a different sort of special friend." Dot said, lightly stroking the back of his head. She then snapped her fingers a second time, bringing things back to normal. "Better?" She asked.

"Better." Buster replied, clearly relieved. Dot smiled and took a few steps ahead of him, suddenly sinking into the ground completely.

Buster's eyes darted about frantically as his mind went into overdrive. Quickly settling on a course of action, he drew his sword and sliced one of the many vines netted between the trees, taking one end of the vine and diving in after Dot. Only the sounds of the swamp remained as they lingered underground. A shadowy figure passed through the area, briefly inspecting the ground that had swallowed them up, then moving on.

Just as it seemed as if Dot and Buster had breathed their last, a hand breached the surface. Buster's hand. He gripped the exposed part of the vine and pulled, emerging from the sand with Dot on his back. They soon made their way back to solid ground, practically collapsing as they coughed and attempted to catch their breath. They drew closer together after a moment or so, tightly embracing each other. It was then that Buster happened to notice two shadowy figures skulking about in the trees behind Dot. His ears detected even more in the area, awaiting their chance to strike.

"Uh...Dot... I think we'd better be moving along." Buster said, attempting to conceal the nervous edge to his voice. Sensing his uneasiness, Dot opened her eyes and looked into his, then turned to see what was making him so nervous. The sinister looking figures in the trees stared back. She blinked a couple times, then turned back to Buster.

"I concur." She stated plainly.

"Good." Buster said. "Now run!!!" He exclaimed, taking Dot's hand and racing off. They hadn't made it very far when one of the figures hiding in the shadows suddenly jumped out and tackled Buster. A fight cloud erupted as the two traded blows. By the time it finally broke up, Buster was on the ground with his assailant on top of him. A toon mouse with black fur, round ears, white gloves, red shorts with two white dots on the front, and yellow shoes. The mouse gave an eerie high pitched chuckle in victory and drew a switch blade from it's back pocket.

"Got you now rabbit." The mouse said in an equally high pitched voice that didn't seem to match it's murderous intent. It raised the knife and was about to strike, when suddenly, a multicolored blur known as Dot Warner came crashing into his side with a furious cry, knocking him off Buster. The mouse suddenly found himself in the same position Buster had just been in, but with Dot's fists smacking his head from side to side as various threats and curses streamed from her mouth. After soundly beating him unconscious, Dot stood and turned to address the remaining figures in the shadows.

"And the rest of you! If you so much as get within an inch of my Buster, I will crawl so far up your little candy #$&, they'll think you're expecting! NOW SCRAM!!!" Dot shouted, finishing with earth shaking force that cleared the swamp for several miles in all directions. "You ok?" She asked, turning back to Buster with no trace of her previously furious demeanor.

"Uh...yeah." Buster replied as Dot returned to his side. He was completely at a loss for words after witnessing a display like that.

"Good, then let's go." Dot said cheerily, extending a hand. Buster took it and she helped him up. Then they were off once again. In time, they made their way to the outskirts of the Fire Swamp.

---------------

"Looks like we made it." Dot said.

"I guess so..." Buster said, lacking enthusiasm.

"Something wrong?" Dot asked.

"Nah, just thinking." Buster replied.

"About?" Dot asked.

"Well, that thing you said back there... the _**"My Buster"**_ thing... Was that in the script?" Buster asked. However, before Dot could respond, they were suddenly interrupted by the sound of horse hooves beating the ground. And what a funky beat it was! A rhythm that captured the hearts and imaginations of all who heard it! Yes, it was a fine Vegas night! Filled with wonder and intrigue! And... wait, that's a different story. Anyway, they were interrupted by Max and his troop of riders.

"Surrender vermin!" Max said in his usual coarse manner. Dot glared at him.

"You're late." Dot said, annoyed with the interruption.

"We stopped to pick up a few things." Max replied casually, signaling his men to draw their weapons with a snap of his fingers. The sound of numerous guns, rifles, and automatic weapons being cocked was heard. All weapons were trained on both Dot and Buster.

"Uhhhh... Monty! Dearest! Thank goodness you found me!" Dot said as she rushed to Max and wrapped her arms around him.

"What!!!!?" Buster exclaimed in disbelief.

"Hey, a girl's gotta have priorities. And living happens to be at the top of my list." Dot said, looking back at Buster.

"So you're just gonna abandon me!?" Buster asked.

"Well you are a trifling playboy who cheats on his girlfriend under the pretense of it just being acting and probably can't be trusted not to do the same to me... But no, I'm not gonna abandon you." Dot said, turning her attention to Max.

"Monty, dearest. This nice man was kind enough to save me from those awful kidnapers." Dot said sweetly, gesturing towards Buster. "Could you please see that he reaches his ship unharmed?" She asked. Max smirked.

"Sure toots, whatever you say." Max said with a devious edge to his voice. "Salazar! you know what to do!" He said before riding off with Dot.

"Indeed." Salazar said as the sound of Max's horse quickly faded with distance. "Come sir, we must get you to your ship." He said to Buster. Buster smirked and stepped forward to look him straight in the eye, ignoring all the weapons aimed directly at his vitals.

"We both know you're not taking me back to my ship. Don't insult my intelligence." Buster said.

"Very well then, I shall be direct. We intend to imprison you in the pit of despair, where you will be tortured in the most horrendous manner possible till your eventual death." Salazar stated bluntly. Buster failed to pay attention and simply stared, for something else had already caught his attention.

"What? What is it?" Salazar asked.

"You have six fingers on your right hand. Someone was looking for you." Buster said with a smirk. Annoyed, Salazar clubbed him over the head with the hilt of his sword, knocking him unconscious.

(A.N) My apologies for not updating sooner. I've been busy dealing with some... _**issues.**_ The situation is more or less contained at this point. Enough for me to get back to my writing at least.

On a separate note, Hampton Pig will be playing the roll of the albino in the following chapter.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

Buster lay unconscious, fastened to a wooden table by hevy metal restraints on both his arms and legs. A scraggily haired albino pig entered the room carrying a tray containing bread, and what was likely water. He descended two sets of stone steps, quickly reaching Buster. He sat the tray on a small table next to the one Buster was on, then picked up a stethoscope from that same table, and began listening to Buster's heart beat like a doctor giving a checkup. This, of course, woke Buster.

"Where am I?" Buster asked.

"The pit of Despair." The pig hissed in reply. "Don't even think-" He started, briefly pausing to clear his throat. "Don't even think about escaping." He continued in his normal, hiss free voice. "The chains are far too thick. And don't dream of being rescued either. The only way in is secret. And only the prince, the count, and I know how to get in and out.

"Then I'm here till I die?" Buster asked.

"Till they kill you." The pig replied.

"Then why exactly am I getting a checkup?" Buster asked as the pig picked up one of those things doctors use to take people's blood pressure from the table.

"The prince and the count insist on everyone being healthy before they're broken." The pig replied as he put the thing around Buster's arm.

"So it's torture, huh?" Buster said. The pig gave a nod. "I can deal with torture." Buster said. The pig shook his head in disagreement, looking almost amused at the thought.

"You don't believe me?" Buster asked.

"You survived the Fire Swamp. So you must be very brave..." The pig said as he continued with the checkup. "But nobody, withstands the machine." He added with a sinister grin.

----------------------

Dot walked the lonely halls of the castle in a sullen mood, passing both Max and Salazar at an intersecting hallway without noticing them.

"She's been like that ever since the Fire Swamp." Max said. "It's my father's failing health that's upsetting her." He added.

"Of course." Salazar replied.

The king died that very night. And before the following dawn, Dot and Max were married. At noon, she met her subjects again. This time, as their queen. Max stood atop the very same balcony he had announced their engagement from to introduce her once again.

"My father's final words were...

_**"Love her, as I loved her, and there will be joy."**_ Max said.

"I present to you, your new queen! Queen Dot!" He announced. The crowd turned to regard Dot, just as they had done during the announcement of her engagement to Max. They bowed respectfully as she passed along the red carpet, adorned with her newfound crown. Then, unexpectedly, a series of boos rang out from a single heckler among the crowd.

"Boo! Boo! Boo!." The lady shouted.

"Always a critic..." Dot muttered to herself. "Yo lady! Why you harshin' my vibe!?" She asked.

"Because you had love in your hands, and you gave it up!" The lady shouted, much to the dismay of the crowd.

"First off, I am not touchin' that one. And second, that was a life or death scenario! Gimme a break!" Dot exclaimed.

"Your true love lives, and you marry another!" The lady continued to shout. "True love saved her in the Fire Swamp, and she treated it like garbage!" She said, facing the crowd. "And that's what she is, the Queen of Refuse!" She shouted, pointing an accusing finger at Dot. "So bow down to her if you want! Bow to her! Bow to the Queen of Slime! The Queen of Filth! The Queen of Putrescence!" She exclaimed, gesturing emphatically.

"Boo! Boo!" The lady exclaimed, stalking towards Dot. "Rubbish! Filth! Slime! Muck! Boo! Boo! Boo!" She yelled, resuming her chant of boos as she continued drawing closer. Dot remained unfazed.

"Look, lady, you're gonna have to come up with somethin' better than that if you wanna scare me." Dot stated flatly. The lady paused for a moment.

"Very well then, I'll leave you to your wedding night with the prince." The lady said.

"Wedding night? With the prince!? As in... wedding night, wedding night!!?" Dot said with mounting anxiety.

"That's right toots! As of sun set, you're all mine!" Max said as he held up a pocket watch displaying the time. The sun rapidly dipped out of sight and was replaced by the moon as the hands of the watch spun at an unnatural pace. Max laughed as Dot simply screamed.

It was then that Dot woke to find herself back in her bedroom at the castle. It had all been nothing more than a dream. In reality, it was ten days till the wedding, and the king still lived. But Dot's nightmares were growing steadily worse. She quickly climbed out of bed and threw something on over her nightgown, then marched down the hall to Max's chamber.

"It comes to this. I love Buster. I always have. I know now I always will. I don't care if you do kill me! I'll never marry you!" Dot announced vehemently.

"Ok. Consider our wedding off." Max responded passively. He then stood, turning his attention to Salazar. "You sent the rabbit back to his ship, right?" He asked.

"Yes." Salazar replied.

"Then we'll just call him back here to pick up his girl. Assuming he still wants you. You did drop him like a bad habit back in the fire swamp. And even you said he probably couldn't be trusted." Max said.

"I said he couldn't be trusted not to cheat on me! But I'm sure he'll come for me!" Dot exclaimed. Max paused.

"Right..." Max said, trailing off a bit. "But let's make a deal. You write four copies of a letter, I send my four fastest ships out to find him and deliver it. If Buster wants you, then good riddance. If not, you marry me. Deal?" He asked.

"Deal." Dot replied. "But only cause I know he's coming." She added.

-------------------

Later, possibly that same day, prince Max and count Salazar were out walking somewhere out in the woods.

"Your princess is really quite a winning creature. A trifle odd, perhaps, but her appeal is undeniable." Salazar said as they walked.

"Yeah. The people really seem to like her." Max said, coming to a stop as they reached their destination. "It's funny, I thought I was being clever when I hired that mouse to kill her on our engagement day. But it's gonna be so much better when I off her on our wedding night. Once Guilder is blamed, the people will be outraged. They'll demand we go to war." He said, thoroughly pleased with himself. Both he and Salazar grinned from ear to ear.

"Now, where is that secret knot?" Salazar said as he turned away from Max. "It's impossible to find." He muttered as he tested various parts of the tree in front of him. "There it is." He said as the secret entrance opened up. "Are you coming down into the pit?" He asked as he started to enter. "The rabbit has his strength back. I'm starting him on the machine tonight." He said, turning back to Max.

"Sal, you know how much I love watching you work... But I've got my country's 500th anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder, and Guilder to frame for it. I'm swamped." Max said.

"Get some rest." Salazar said, placing a hand on his shoulder in a reassuring gesture. "If you haven't got your health, you haven't got anything." He said. They both smiled, then parted ways.

(A.N) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

Within the pit of despair, Buster lay strapped to a table being wheeled over to a large machine constructed of wood, and who knows what else. Suction cups were attached to his chest and both sides of his head. Count Salazar rose from his chair and approached the table, admiring the machine as the albino pig attached what appeared to be some form of hoses to the suction cups attached to Buster's body.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Salazar commented, admiring the machine. "It took me half a lifetime to invent it." He added as Buster regarded him with a mixed expression.

"I'm sure you've discovered my deep and abiding interest in pain." Salazar continued, turning his attention to Buster. "At present, I'm writing the definitive work on the subject. So I want you to be totally honest with me on how the Machine makes you feel. This being our first try, I'll use the lowest setting." He said, just before activating the Machine by moving the dial from zero to one.

Water began flowing over a giant wooden wheel, turning it. Buster flinched, then shook uncontrollably as searing pain surged through his entire body, but refused to scream as the Machine did it's work. After roughly half a minute that felt more like hours to Buster, the count finally returned the Machine to it's off position.

"As you know, the concept of the suction pump is centuries old." Salazar continued casually, returning to his seat. "Well really, that's all this is. Except that, instead of sucking water, I'm sucking life." He explained.

"I've just sucked one year of your life away." He announced. "I might one day go as high as five. But I really don't know what that would do to you. So let's just start with what we have."

"What did this do to you? Tell me. And remember, this is for posterity... so, be honest. How do you feel?" He asked.

"Great... Really clears up the sinuses." Buster replied in a clearly strained voice.

"Interesting." Salazar remarked.

------------------

Back at the castle, the prince called for his chief enforcer, Sam. Also know as Yosemite Sam.

"Sam!!! Get in here!!!" Max shouted.

"Ya called?" Sam asked, arriving shortly after.

"Yeah, now get over here ya crusty old codger." Max replied rudely. Sam approached, muttering something involving the word brat under his breath. Regardless, he kneeled respectfully at Max's side, just as he was supposed to. Max spoke in a frank but secretive tone.

"Look, Guilderian assassins have infiltrated the Thieves' Forest, and plan to ruin my wedding night by offing my bride." Max said.

"My men ain't heard nothin' bout no assassins." Sam replied, surprised at the news. Before any further words could be exchanged, Dot appeared at the doorway.

"Any word from Buster?" Dot asked.

"No! Now buzz off ya ugly little harpy!!!" Max snapped, tossing a random object at her. It missed and shattered harmlessly against the wall. Dot glared. The next thing Max knew, Dot was on him, viciously attacking like a rabid monkey.

"Cut! Cut!" The director yelled. "Would someone get her off him?!!" He shouted as Dot tugged away at Max's hair with her teeth. He sighed in resignation as Dot simply fought off the stage hands attemping to remove her from Max.

"Ok, next scene people!" The director shouted.

-------------------

The day of the wedding arrived. The brute squad had their hands full carrying out Max's orders. General clamor rang out all about as a prisoner transport wagon led by Sam came to a stop in front of a man with a deadly looking club and a long cut along his forehead.

"Is everyone out?" Sam asked.

"Almost. There's a warner giving us some trouble." The man replied.

"Well you give him some trouble." Sam replied before moving on.

------------

"I am waiting for you Brain!" Yakko exclaimed loudly and drunkenly. "You said to come back to the beginning, so here I am! This is where I am, and this is where I'll stay! I will not be moved!" He said. The man who had just been talking to Sam appeared from around the corner.

"Ho there!" The man called out.

"I don't budge. Keep your ho there." Yakko replied drunkenly. The man gave a hurt expression.

"But... I was saving it just for you." The man said, suddenly holding a gift wrapped garden hoe that wasn't there before as he teared up. He then dropped the hoe and ran off bawling loudly. Yakko simply stared for a moment, then laid back in his previous position.

"Ralph... The guy ran off." Yakko called out lazily.

"Wasn't I supposed to knock him out or somethin'?" Ralph asked as he appeared on the scene.

"Minor plot revision." Yakko replied in the same lazy manner as before. "Let's just go find the rabbit and get this over with." He added, standing shakily.

"But we don't know where the rabbit is." Ralph said.

"Don't bother me with trifles... There will be blood tonight and such." Yakko muttered as he stumbled off. Ralph followed.

------------------

Later, back at the castle, Sam returned from his task.

"Report." Max said as he sat at a table, cleaning the dagger he had just sharpened.

"The Thieves' Forest is emptied. Thirty men guard the castle gate." Sam replied.

"Double it." Max said. "No way am I letting Guilder have it's way." He added.

"There ain't but one key to the gate, and I gots it right here." Sam said, displaying the key. Dot appeared at the doorway a moment later.

"Ah, the girl of the hour!" Max said in an insincere greeting. "Tonight, we marry!" He exclaimed. Then turned his attention back to Sam. "Tomorrow morning, your men will escort us to Florin Channel, where every ship in my armada waits to accompany us on our honey moon!"

"Every ship but your four fastest, you mean." Dot said. Max's smile slowly faded. He had forgotten about that.

"Every ship but the four you sent." Dot said.

"Sure... Naturally not those four." Max replied nervously. Dot simply stared, unconvinced. Sam excused himself from the room.

"You never sent the ships. Don't bother lying." Dot said. "It doesn't matter. Buster will come for me anyway."

"Yeah, right, dream on toots." Max said, turning away from her.

"No really, says so right here." Dot said, pointing to a page in the script she had taken from behind her back.

"I know that!" Max sated irritably. "Now stay in character!" He exclaimed.

"Right, right..." Dot said dismissively. She quickly flipped to another page in the script. "Yes, I am a silly girl. For not having realized sooner that you were nothing but a coward with a heart full of fear." She read from the script. "How was that?" She asked innocently.

"Great..." Max muttered, clearly annoyed.

"Great!" Dot said cheerily. "Your turn."

"Right..." Max said, sighing in resignation. He hated this line. "I would not say such things if I were you." He recited grudgingly.

"Why not? You can't hurt me. Buster and I are joined by the bonds of love. And you cannot track that. Not with a thousand bloodhounds. And you cannot break it, not with a thousand swords. And when I say you are a coward, that is only because you are the slimiest weakling ever to crawl the earth." Dot said. Max slammed the dagger he had been working on down on the table.

"I would not say such things if I were you!" Max said, taking hold of Dot's arm and forcefully leading her out of the room and down the hall. He locked her in her room, then rushed to the pit of despair. Skipping the speech, he cranked the machine up to fifty.

"Not to fifty!" Salazar exclaimed uselessly. Buster had already begun to writhe in extreme agony. An unearthly cry escaped his lips as the machine did it's work. One that was heard from great distances, even reaching Dot at the castle.

-----------

"Ralph, listen. Do you hear that?" Yakko asked, a bit disturbed. "That is the sound of ultimate suffering. My heart made that sound the day Salazar slaughtered my father. The rabbit in black makes it now."

"The rabbit in black?" Ralph asked.

"His true love is marrying another tonight. So who else has the cause for ultimate suffering?" Yakko asked rhetorically.

"Excuse me. Pardon me, it's important." Yakko said, attempting to make his way through the crowd. Seeing that he was getting nowhere fast, he turned to Ralph. "Ralph, if you would." He said. Ralph raised his arms, unleashing a powerful blast of B.O that parted the crowd.

"Thanks." Yakko said, quickly starting along the path Ralph had cleared. Ralph followed. In time, they made their way out to the woods where they encountered a scraggily albino pig pushing a wheelbarrow.

"Where is the rabbit in black?" Yakko asked, threatening the pig with his sword. "You get there from this grove, yes?" He asked. The pig simply stared back fearfully.

"Ralph, jog his memory." Yakko instructed. The pig looked at Ralph. Ralph bonked him on the head with his fist. The pig's eyes glazed over and he promptly collapsed.

"Sorry Yakko. I didn't mean to jog him so hard." Ralph said. Yakko simply wandered off without a word. He walked directly to a tree and pressed the secret knot, opening the hidden entrance. Ralph approched as well.

"Uh, wasn't you supposed to..."

"I'm tired." Yakko replied before Ralph could finish his sentence. "Come on." He added. Once inside, they quickly discovered Buster laying motionless on a table. Ralph checked his heart beat.

"He's dead." Ralph said.

"It just isn't fair." Yakko said. "Well, we Montoyas have never taken defeat easily. Come Ralph, bring the body." He said, making his way towards the exit.

"The body?" Ralph asked, confused. Yakko turned back to face him.

"Got any money?" Yakko asked.

"A little." Ralph replied.

"Let's just hope it's enough to buy a miracle." Yakko said.

--------------

Ralph and Yakko stood outside the door to an old cottage. Yakko knocked.

"Go away!" A voice answered. Yakko knocked again till an elderly black and white wolf came to the door, opening a small square section in the door so he could speak with them without actually opening the door.

"What? What?" The wolf asked irritably.

"Are you the Wonderful Walter who worked for the king all those years?" Yakko asked.

"The king's stinking son fired me. And thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it?" Walter asked sarcastically. "We're closed!" He added sharply, slamming the door thing. Whatever it's called. Yakko resumed knocking once again.

"Beat it, or I'll call the brute squad!" Walter threatened, returning to the door.

"I'm on the brute squad." Ralph said.

"You are the brute squad." Walter remarked.

"We need a miracle. It's very important." Yakko pleaded.

"Look, I'm retired. And besides, why would you want someone the king's stinking son fired? I might kill whoever you wanted me to miracle." Walter said.

"He's already dead." Yakko explained.

"He is, huh? I'll take a look. Bring him in." Walter said. Ralph and Yakko did as instructed and carried Buster in, placing him on a cloth covered table. Walter raised Buster's arm, perhaps checking for a pulse, then let it drop limply.

"I've seen worse." Walter said, then continued his examination.

"Sir?" Yakko said. "We're in a terrible rush."

"Don't rush me sonny. Ya rush a miracle man, ya get rotten miracles." Walter replied. "Ya got money?" He asked.

"Sixty five." Yakko replied.

"I never worked for so little." Walter remarked. "Except once, and that was for a very noble cause."

"This is noble sir." Yakko said. "His wife is crippled. His childern are on the brink of starvation."

"Are you a rotten liar." Walter said.

"I need him to help avenge my father... And bake a cake. I can never get the carrots just right..." Yakko said, sounding a bit distracted towards the end.

"Your first story was better." Walter commented. "Now where's that bellows." He muttered to himself. "He probably owes you money, huh? Well, I'll ask him."

"But he's dead. He can't talk." Yakko said.

"Look who knows so much, huh?" Walter remarked sarcastically. "It just so happens that your friend here is only _**mostly**_ dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead, and all dead. Please open his mouth." He said. Yakko did as instructed and the tip of the bellows was placed in Buster's mouth. Walter began using it to force air into Buster's lungs.

"Now, mostly dead, is slightly alive." Walter said as he worked. "Now, all dead... well, with all dead... there's usually only one thing you can do."

"What's that?" Yakko asked.

"Go through his pockets and look for loose change." Walter replied, giving the bellows one final squeeze. He put them down, then leaned in closer to Buster's face.

"Hey! Hello in there!" Walter said as if calling out to someone off in the distance. "Hey, what's so important? What ya got here that's worth living for?" He asked, still shouting. He then pressed down on Buster's chest, slowly forcing the air back out to help Buster speak.

"Tr-u-u-ue Lo-o-o-ove." Buster replied.

"True love. You heard him? You couldn't ask for a more noble cause than that." Yakko said.

"Sonny, true love is the greatest thing in the world." Walter said. "Except for a nice M.L.T-- mutton, lettuce, and tomato sandwich-- when the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe. They're so perky. I love that. But that's not what he said! He distinctly said, _**"To bl-a-a-ave."**_ And as we all know, to blave means to bluff, huh? So you were probably playing cards, and he cheated--"

"Liar!" A voice from the other room shouted. An elderly squirrel lady entered the room. "Liar!" She screamed at Walter, pointing an accusing finger. "Liar!" She continued as she stalked across the room towards him.

"Get back witch!" Walter exclaimed.

"I'm not a witch! I'm your wife! But after what you just said, I'm not even sure I wanna be that anymore!" The squirrel exclaimed.

"You never had it so good." Walter said.

"True love. He said true love Walter!" The squirrel said urgently.

"Don't say another word Slappy." Walter said.

"He's afraid. Ever since Prince Max fired him, his confidence is shattered." Slappy said.

"Why'd you say that name? You promised me that you would never say that name!" Walter said.

"What? Max?" She asked. He recoiled with a yelp, as if being scalded by her words. She continued bombarding him with Max's name over and over again as he attempted to retreat, only to be followed.

"I'm not listening!" He exclaimed childishly.

"A life expiring, and you don't even have the decency to say why you won't help!" Slappy said.

"Nobody's hearing nothing!" Walter protested, attempting to block her out. Her assault of words continued.

"This is Dot's true love. If you heal him, he will stop Max's wedding!" Yakko cut in, forced to shout over the argument. _**Now,**_ Walter was listening.

"Wait a minute. I make him better, Max suffers?" Walter asked.

"Humiliations galore!" Yakko said. Walter laughed, rushing to get his work cap as he briefly sang a chipper little ditty to himself.

"_That_, is a noble cause. Give me the sixty five. I'm on the job!" Walter said, placing the cap on his head. Time passed, the miracle pill thing was ready. Yakko stared at it.

"That's a miracle pill?" Yakko asked as Walter and Slappy coated the pill in chocolate.

"The chocolate coating makes it go down easier." Slappy informed him. "But you have to wait 15 minutes for full potency. And, you shouldn't go swimming for at least, what?"

"An hour. A good hour." Walter said.

"Yeah, an hour." Slappy said as they handed the pill over to Yakko.

"Thank you for everything." Yakko said as he and Ralph made their exit.

"So long boys." Slappy called as she and Walter stood outside the door waving.

"Have fun storming the castle." Walter said.

"Think it'll work?" Slappy asked.

"It would take a miracle." Walter replied. They both continued waving and such.

(A.N) . . . . . . . .. . .


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

Ralph and Yakko crept along atop the castle's outer wall, staying low enough to avoid detection as they awkwardly carried Buster with most of his weight being supported by Yakko's back. They came to a stop and Yakko shifted to his side, easing Buster off his back while Ralph peaked over the side of the wall.

"Anything?" Yakko asked.

"Yakko, there's more than thirty." Ralph said, referring to the sixty men guarding the gate.

"What's the difference?" Yakko asked. "We've got him." He said, holding up Buster's head, then letting it slump limply back to the side the moment he let go.

"Help me here. We'll have to force feed him." Yakko said as they propped Buster up against the wall.

"Has it been fifteen minutes?" Ralph asked.

"We can't wait." Yakko said. "The wedding is in half an hour. We must strike in the hustle and bustle beforehand." He said as he retrieved the miracle pill from its pouch. "Open his mouth." He instructed. Ralph did as he was asked and held Buster's mouth open. Yakko inserted the pill.

"Uh, how long do we have to wait, before if we know the miracle works?" Ralph asked.

"Your guess is as good as mine." Yakko replied. It was then that Buster's eyes slowly started to open.

"_Yakko?_" Buster asked weakly, relieved to see a friendly face.

"Hey." Yakko greeted with a slight wave. He then proceeded to draw back his fist, sending it crashing into Buster's face.

"What the heck was that for?" Buster asked.

"You've been making out with my little sister, blue ears. It's my job as older brother to hurt you." Yakko stated bluntly.

"Didn't I suffer enough back in the pit of despair?" Buster asked.

"You mean they actually tortured you just to film a scene?" Yakko asked a bit skeptically.

"_No_. But right after we shot the scene, Babs showed up to have a little '_**talk**_' about all the '_**acting**_' I've been doing with Dot. Needless to say, she beat the crap outta me. And we're officially broken up at this point." Buster explained.

"Really..." Yakko said. "So she's available then." He mused distractedly, a hand to his chin.

"Wait... You just hit me when I'm already injured, now you're gonna ask out my Ex? That's gotta be against some kinda unwritten guy code!" Buster exclaimed.

"The guy code also says I have to keep hitting you till my sister comes and pulls me off while proclaiming that she loves you. And right about now, that could take at least a few hours. Care to forgo that bit of triviality?" Yakko asked while gripping Buster's collar, his fist at the ready. The rabbit nodded apprehensively.

"Great!" Yakko said cheerily, releasing Buster. He turned to the camera. "Take two!" He called out.

"_Yakko?_" Buster said weakly, relieved to see a friendly face.

"Hey." Yakko greeted with a slight wave.

"Why won't my arms move?" Buster asked.

"You've been mostly dead all day." Ralph explained.

"We had Wonderful Walter make a pill to bring you back." Yakko said.

"Why am I on this wall?" Buster asked. "Where's Dot?" He asked more urgently.

"Let me explain." Yakko started. "No, there is too much. Let me sum up. Dot is marrying Max in less than half an hour. So all we have to do is get in, break up the wedding, steal the princess, and make our escape. After I kill Count Salazar."

"That doesn't leave much time for dilly-dallying." Buster mused as he absently drummed his thumb against his chest.

"Hey! you just wiggled your finger! That's wonderful!" Ralph exclaimed.

"I've always been a quick healer." Buster said in reply. "What are our liabilities?" He asked, quickly shifting gears.

"There is but one working castle gate." Yakko started. "Come on." He said, lifting Buster a bit with Ralph's assistance so the rabbit could see over the wall. "And it's guarded by sixty men." He finished.

"And our assets?" Buster asked as they returned to a crouched position.

"Your brains, Ralph's strength, my steel, and dashing good looks." Yakko said.

"That's it?" Buster asked. "Impossible. If I had a month to plan, maybe I could come up with something, but this..." He shook his head.

"You just shook your head! That doesn't make you happy?" Ralph asked.

"My brains, his steel, and your strength, against sixty men... and a little head jiggle is supposed to make me happy?" Buster asked irritably. Ralph's positive mood refused to change. Buster turned his head away with a disgruntled sigh. "If we only had a sewing kit, that would be something." He said. A box containing needles, thread, and other sewing essentials suddenly fell from the sky, landing in Buster's lap. He quirked an eyebrow, staring quizzically at the box. He looked back and forth between Ralph and Yakko as if to verify that they were indeed seeing the same thing, then shifted his gaze skyward as best he could in his present condition. Ralph and Yakko followed suit.

"Uh... we could also use a large sheet of spotted orange fabric." Buster said experimentally. The trio atop the castle wall suddenly found themselves engulfed in a sheet of spotted orange material from the sky. They quickly removed it from over their heads and set it aside. Buster cleared his throat and continued.

"Ok, we'll also be needing some foam stuffing, a zipper, and whatever else it might take to make this thing." Buster said as each item fell from the sky and into the hands of Ralph and Yakko.

"Oh, and I'll be needing a sword eventually." Buster added as a second thought. Yakko skillfully intercepted the incoming sword by it's handle, turning to Buster.

"What exactly do you need with a sword?" Yakko asked. "You can't even lift one."

"True, but that's hardly common knowledge." Buster replied. "Now come on, we need this thing done before the next scene starts."

Night fell, the ragtag trio returned to the castle, ready to execute Buster's plan. They threw their hands together in resolution.

Meanwhile, inside the castle, the wedding ceremony was already well underway.

"Mawwiage..." The clergy began. "Mawwiage is what bwings us to togevuh today... Mawwiage, that bwessed awwangement, that dweam within a dweam." He said. Faintly, in the background, a voice could be heard from outside the castle.

"Stand yer' ground men! Stand yer' ground!" Sam ordered as his men instinctively backed away from the imposing figure that stood before them.

"Hi! I'm Baloney! Let's be friends and have fun imagining things!" The orange dinosaur exclaimed in a sickeningly jovial tone. The men shrieked in fear and began fleeing for their lives. Back inside the castle, Max signaled Count Salazar to go investigate as the clergy continued to drone. In turn, Salazar signaled a small procession of guards to follow him as he made his exit. Outside, Sam continued futilely attempting to prevent his men from abandoning their posts.

"Ya lily livered cowards, get back here!" Sam protested, even as the last man fled in terror. Suddenly finding himself alone, he felt the urge to flee as well, but stood his ground despite it. Thinking quickly, he grabbed up a fallen torch, setting the advancing beast ablaze.

Back in the castle, the clergy continued his exhaustive speech, wearing at Max's last nerve.

"So tweasure your wov..."

"Just skip to the end already!" Max grumbled.

"Have you the wing?" The clergy asked. Max hurriedly placed the ring on Dot's finger.

"My Buster is near." Dot said. "Nothing can stop him from saving me now."

"Your _**Buster**_ is dead." Max countered. "I killed him myself." He boasted.

"Then why is there fear in your eyes?" Dot asked, boldly staring him down. He rubbed his eyes, attempting to remove the literal word fear that had somehow appeared in them.

Outside, Ralph and Yakko emerged from the burning costume, tossing it aside as Sam withdrew to the gate, attempting to close the grating in front of it.

"Ralph, the portcullis!" Buster called out as the grating dropped. Reacting quickly, Ralph grabbed hold of the portcullis before they closed, raising them back up with a grunt of effort. Sam stared dumbly like a dear in headlights. Meanwhile, Yakko busied himself toting Buster to the gate, coming to a stop alongside Sam and further surrounding him.

"Give us the gate key." Buster ordered.

"I ain't gots no gate key." Sam fibbed stubbornly, despite being in fear for his life.

"Ralph, sit on him." Yakko instructed.

"Oh, ya mean this key right here!" Sam quickly interjected, producing the key. Ralph promptly snatched it from his hand. Back inside the castle, the agonizing ceremony continued.

"And do you, Pwincess Dwhot..."

"Man and wife! Say man and wife!" Max exclaimed in frustration.

"Man and wife." The clergy said without complaint. At the sound of those three words, Dot stood gaping in wide-eyed disbelief.

"Escort the bride to the honeymoon suite. I'll be there shortly." Max instructed gruffly as he handed her off to Runt.

"He didn't come..." Dot said distantly as Rita and Runt began guiding her out of the wedding hall. She then paused for a moment, taking an entirely different expression.

"#&#&#!" She exclaimed.

Elsewhere in the castle, Salazar and his small troop of guards rushed to investigate the sounds heard at the gate.

A few halls down, Ralph and Yakko crept along silently while dragging Buster along. Yakko cautiously checked the next hall over for any sign of guards, finding nothing but an empty hallway. The trio proceeded, only to come face to face with Salazar as he and his men entered the hall a moment later. Yakko stood at the ready, not so much as flinching. Salazar regarded him with a curious eye.

"Kill the rabbit and the large man, but leave the third for questioning." Salazar instructed.

His men charged, attempting to carry out their order. Yakko nimbly dispatched each of them in a symphony of deadly jabs and slashes, lasting no more than three seconds. His task completed, he stood to his full hight and spoke.

"Hello..." He began. "My name is Yakko Montoya... You killed my father... Prepare to die." He said, moving into a fencing stance at the end of his speech. Salazar stood as if preparing to duel as well. Then abruptly turned tail and ran. Recovering from his initial shock, Yakko promptly gave chase.

With his lead, Salazar managed to slip out through a door halfway down the next hall, quickly locking it behind himself before Yakko could reach it. The avenging warner slammed his side into the door futilely; once... twice... He then tried the handle, also to no avail.

"Ralph! I need you!" Yakko shouted, even as he frantically attempted to break down the door himself.

"I can't leave him alone." Ralph replied, pointing to Buster.

"He's getting away from me Ralph! Please!" Yakko pleaded frantically, repeatedly slamming himself against the door.

"I'll be right back." Ralph said, temporarily placing Buster against a nearby suit of armor. He then made his way to the next hall over and easily toppled the door for Yakko.

"Thanks." Yakko said, quickly resuming his pursuit of Salazar. With that done, Ralph returned to the spot he had left Buster, only to find him gone. He scratched his head in bewilderment.

Meanwhile, in one of the castle's many other halls, Dot was being led along by Rita and Runt as they briefly reflected on the spectacle they had just witnessed.

"That sure was a strange wedding Rita." Runt commented.

"Very strange." Rita added passively. Dot paid little attention to their exchange and simply paused to put her arms around Runt in a gentle embrace.

"What was that for?" Runt asked once she had pulled away.

"Because you've always been so kind to me. And I won't be seeing you again. Since I'm climbing out the window and booking it like Brad Pit being chased by a herd of stampeding french emu once we reach the honey moon suite." Dot said.

"Boy, won't that be nice?" Runt said. "Hey Rita, can we come?" He asked.

"No." Rita replied flatly.

Back with Yakko, the hunt for Salazar continued.

Hall after hall, room after room, door after door, he chased relentlessly.

Finally, Salazar paused halfway down a set of spiraling stone steps to draw a small dagger from a sheath concealed within his boot. He then continued down the steps into the vacant dining hall, lying in wait to ambush his pursuer. The dagger was hurled the moment Yakko came within range, embedding itself in his gut with sudden and abrupt force. He stumbled back against the wall by the steps, barely able to stand.

"Sorry father..." He said. "I tried... I tried..." He repeated.

"You must be that little warner brat I taught a lesson to all those years ago." Salazar mused as he calmly approached with a smug stride to his step. "Simply incredible." He said. "Have you been chasing me your whole life, only to fail now?" He asked rhetorically. "I think that's the worst thing I've ever heard." He commented. "How marvelous." He added with a sickening grin of delight, looking on gleefully as Yakko sank to the floor in terrible pain.

His smug expression and perverse delight in the suffering of another seemed to light a fire within the fallen warner. With a shuddering gasp, Yakko tugged the blade from his gut, placing a hand over his injury to stop the bleeding.

Slowly, he pulled himself back to his feet, using his sword like a cane for extra leverage and steadying himself against the wall for balance.

"Good heavens, are you still trying to win?" Salazar asked as Yakko attempted a step forward, only to stagger back into the wall, quaking in pain at the very effort.

"You've got an overdeveloped sense of vengeance. It's going to get you into trouble someday." Salazar said, drawing his sword, then thrusting it towards Yakko's chest.

Despite his weakened state, Yakko was able to partially deflect the blade with his own sword, causing it to enter his left shoulder instead of puncturing his heart or lungs. Salazar tried again, only to have his thrust redirected to Yakko's right arm in the same manner.

Growing throughly vexed, he attempted to strike with a swift vertical slash instead of a jab. Yakko defended once again, this time more vigorously, blocking Salazar's attack completely.

"Hello..." Yakko said, straightening himself and slowly stepping away from the wall as Salazar backed away. "My name is Yakko Montoya... You killed my father... Prepare to die..." He finished, suddenly losing strength from blood loss and catching himself against one of the dining hall tables. Seeing this as an opportunity, Salazar once again thrust his sword towards Yakko's heart, only to have it swatted aside. Yakko straightened himself with renewed balance as several more attacks came, his sword arm moving as if of its own accord to block each strike.

"Hello..." Yakko said with an almost eerie calm as Salazar once again began backing away. "My name is Yakko Montoya... You killed my father... Prepare to die..." He said with an unnerving certainty. Salazar lashed out with his blade yet again. Yakko easily countered his increasingly clumsy strikes, driving him back into one of the tables and causing him to knock over one of the many candle holders.

"Hello!" Yakko exclaimed as Salazar quickly righted himself. "My name is Yakko Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." He said as Salazar backed away.

"Stop saying that!" Salazar snapped, taking an un-calculated swing at Yakko. He quickly found himself rewarded with a painful jab to his left shoulder. His eyes bugged out in shock at the sudden jolt of pain. His pain quickly turned to anger as he took another swing at Yakko. Yakko ducked and swiftly jabbed him in the right arm as well.

"Hello!" Yakko said as the clashing of swords continued. "My name is Yakko Montoya! You killed my father! Prepare to die!" He exclaimed, driving Salazar towards the table against the wall.

"No!" Salazar exclaimed as Yakko bypassed his defenses, slashing his left cheek with the tip of his sword, just as Salazar had done to him all those years ago.

"Offer me money." Yakko ordered, his blade dancing dangerously close to Salazar's face.

"Yes, yes, of course!" Salazar agreed fearfuly.

"Power too, promise me that." Yakko said, slashing his other cheek.

"All that I have and more. _Please_." Salazar pleaded.

"Offer me everything I ask for." Yakko said with a flourish, taking his hand away from his injury and moving into a fencing stance.

"Anything you want." Salazar stated darkly, anger rising in his tone. At that, he batted Yakko's sword aside to prevent him from using it to defend, then quickly went for the kill, only to have his sword arm stopped cold by Yakko's free hand as the warner's blade entered his body.

"I want my father back, you son of a #&#&." Yakko said, driving the sword in even further. He then took his foot and unceremoniously kicked Salazar off the end of his blade and into the table, letting him slump limply to the floor in a lifeless heap. An empty silence followed as he simply stood there, once again clutching his injury.

"Wow, that really wasn't like me at all." Yakko mused, regarding the lifeless body at his feat. Unsure of whet else to do, he shrugged and made his exit.

Meanwhile, in the honeymoon suite, Dot entered with a clear plan of action in her mind. She purposefully approached the window, paying little or no heed to anything else.

"Careful out there..." A familiar voice began. "Pirates in the area. And I'm told that they're more than just a bit clever."

"Buster!" Dot cried, rushing to the rabbit and throwing herself over him in a tight embrace, his barely contained yelp and pained expression going completely unnoticed. "You finally came for me!" She exclaimed. "(_**A little late**__...)"_ She muttered, pulling back from the hug a bit. "But you came!" She continued, quickly renewing the embrace.

"I was late?" Buster asked, sounding a bit strained and still wincing from the pressure being applied to his battered form.

"Well I did get married just before you got here." Dot explained dryly.

"Did you say I do?" Buster asked.

"Well, no. We sort of skipped that part." Dot replied.

"Then it never happened." Buster said. "If you didn't say it, you didn't do it." He explained. "_Isn't that right, your highness?_" He asked, speaking to Max who stood at the doorway.

"A technicality that will shortly be remedied." Max replied. "But first things first." He said, drawing his sword and throwing down its sheath. "To the death!" He challenged.

"No!" Buster countered. "To the crane!" He exclaimed.

"To the what?" Max asked, pausing in confusion. A giant crane machine claw suddenly dropped from above, snatching him up before he knew what hit him.

"What the... what is this... how did you...!" Max stammered in disbelief.

"Beats me. That was there when I got here." Buster said with a shrug. A secret panel in the wall suddenly opened to reveal a familiar looking girl at the controls of the crane.

"I got you now Monty head!" Elmyra exclaimed. "Now I can hug you, and squeeze you, and kiss you, and love you forever and ever!" She said as she used the crane to bring Max closer and closer.

"I'll get you for this rabbit!" Max screamed as he struggled to escape. "If it's the last thing I do, you'll..."

Before Max could complete his sentence, he found his air supply being cut off by Elmyra's crushing embrace. Ignoring them both, Dot and Buster turned their attention back to each other.

"So..." Buster began. "You never did answer my question."

"Was it in the script?" Dot said, repeating Buster's question. He nodded.

"It was..." Dot said, looking off to the side a bit. "But... I really do like you." She said, her focus returning to Buster. "Even if you are a trifling playboy." She added with a smirk. "Of course, I still can't officially date you, so long as you're a trifling playboy with a girlfriend."

"Correction; a trifling playboy who currently finds himself unattached! (_**And has the bruises to prove it.)**_" Buster said, muttering the last part to himself for the most part. "And might I add that this "trifling playboy" didn't exactly "trifle" on his own." He added pointedly, growing a bit tired of what was quickly becoming a new nickname for himself.

"True, we're both guilty." Dot admitted. "_But_..." She began mischievously. "now that you two are officially broken up, there's really nothing stopping me from doing _this_ without a script to back it up." She said, drawing closer and gently placing a kiss on Buster's forehead, the tip of his nose, and lastly...

"Cripes you two, don't let me see it!" Yakko exclaimed upon entering the room, his arm up as if shielding his eyes from the sun. The pair quickly changed positions. "Where's Ralph?" He asked, still a bit distressed.

"Yakko! Yakko, where are you?" Ralph called from outside the castle. The trio inside quickly made their way to the window.

"Oh, there you are." Ralph said upon spotting them.

"Yakko, I saw the prince's stables, and there they were, four white horses! And I thought, there are four of us... if we ever find the lady." Ralph said. He then noticed Dot at the window as well. "Hello lady!" He greeted with a wave. Dot smiled and waved back.

"So I took them with me, in case we ever bumped into each other." Ralph continued. "I guess we just did." He said, grinning broadly.

"Ralph... you did something right." Yakko commended.

"Don't worry. I won't let it go to my head." Ralph said. Everyone was smiling by then. Dot and Buster turned to each other, linking their arms together in a gentle embrace.

"This is it Dot, one more step to freedom." Buster said.

"Three more steps to happily ever after." Dot replied. They held each other's gaze for a long moment.

Yakko was just about ready to gag. His first reflex would've been to break it up. But... she did look happy. Still... he didn't exactly trust this blue eared casanova she had chosen.

"Uh, at the risk of sounding overly protective... are you sure about this guy Dot?" Yakko asked. "I mean, not exactly getting any glowing reviews from his last girlfriend here." He pointed out.

"Don't worry Yakko. Buster knows better than to cheat on me." Dot said in a placating tone. "And if he doesn't, my big brother will kill him. _**I'll**__ kill him_. My other big brother will kill him. And then, my pet will devour his entrails!" She added sweetly, taking a small box from her pocket and momentarily unleashing a beast frightening enough to scare Christopher Walken and quickly putting it away.

"Well, so long as I'm the brother who gets to kill him first." Yakko said in reply.

"And you can kill him as many times as you want." Dot added in a cutesy voice, as if talking about letting him have extra cookies.

"How comforting." Buster quipped dryly, looking into the camera. He then cleared his throat, drawing Dot's attention back to him.

"So, you ready to go?" He asked, doing his best to pretend nothing had just happened.

"Ready, willing, and able." Dot replied.

With that, the warner and the rabbit stood aside as Dot stepped into the window frame, making her leap. She glided gracefully through the air, landing safely in the arms of Ralph.

"Nice catch." Dot said. "Is that a new deodorant you're wearing?" She asked conversationally. Meanwhile, Buster and Yakko continued to linger. Buster gestured for Yakko to go first. Yakko wordlessly declined, instead choosing to take a moment to reflect.

"Y'know, it's very strange." Yakko began. "I've been in the revenge business for so long... now that it's over... I don't know what to do with the rest of my life." He said.

"Have you ever considered piracy?" Buster asked. "You'd make a great Red Pirate Rogers." He added before climbing out the window. Yakko briefly paused to consider, then made his way out the window as well. Safely on the ground, they all mounted their horses, riding off to freedom.

As dawn arose, Dot and Buster knew they were safe. A wave of love swept over them. They reached for each other, embracing as they kissed.

Since the invention of the kiss, there have been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one was just plain nasty. It was like watching two leaches attempting to swallow each other whole. This was P.D.A so extreme it should've been censored! And they just kept on going, and going, and going, and...

"And I think we'll be stopping right there." Scratchansniff said, closing the book. He hadn't read the last paragraph aloud, and certainly wasn't planing to. "Perhaps I stop by with a different book tomorrow, ja?" He added, preparing to leave the room.

"But we never finished this one." Wakko complained.

"Yes Wakko, I know." Scratchansniff began apologetically. "Perhaps we can do this if I find a copy that is not quite so... odd." He said. Wakko sighed.

"Ok..." Wakko resigned disappointedly.

"That's a good boy Wakko." Scratchansniff commended. "Now, go to sleep. And I come check on you later." He instructed. Wakko settled back under the covers as told. Scratchansniff checked to make sure he wasn't leaving anything, then turned and made his way towards the door. But before he could take his leave...

"Dr. Scratchansniff?" Wakko began. The good doctor turned to listen. "Can we name a character after me in the next story we read?" He asked. Scratchansniff smiled.

"As you wish." He replied. At that, he turned and made his exit, shutting off the light before closing the door.

The End

(A.N) As promised, the final chapter of the Warner Bride has been completed! And finally, I feel like a writer again! I guess you could I say I sort of lost my spark for a while there. My humblest apologies to those who had to wait around till I found it again. Hopefully the end result is to your liking.

My thanks to YakkingYakko, acosta perez jose ramiro, dth1971, TheBlueHeart2772, loonytooncrazy, Dagre, Zabbie Q, loonyluvergurl, Stephen DOG Milne, and nikki-kun05. Those who reviewed or listed this story in their favorites. Additional thanks to Zabbie Q for the idea to use Elmyra in the story, and acosta perez jose ramiro, who has reviewed every single chapter so far.

Lastly, it is my sincerest hope that this story, as well my other story, (Call Me Dottie And You Die) will in some way help to inspire future Dot and Buster stories.


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